Friday, October 14, 2011

The Devil Is Knocking At My Door...But I'm Not Going To Let Him In

`Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. ~'Buddha

January 1, 2011, I made a vow to myself just like every other individual does on the turn of a New Year.  The vow I made was to cleanse my spiritual, mental, and emotional house of negativity.  However, since making this vow I have been tested every step of the way.  What's the use of getting rid of useless baggage if it keeps finding its way back to your doorstep?  

Over the summer I put an end to what I thought was a friendship because of its unhealthy nature.  This person only reached out to me when they needed a favor or was having problems.  We rarely ever hung out just for fun and whenever we did get together, I always felt like I was some sort of self-improvement course they were taking.  This person would suggest things for me to wear, how I should speak, what I should be involving myself in etc.  If I told them about exciting news that was happening in my life they never seemed elated for me and ALWAYS said something to try and burst my bubble.  For instance, when I told them about my business venture, they said "You're not going to make any real money by hand painting clothing & selling it lower than the market price.  It's going to take you a long time to get anywhere with what you're doing.  Why don't you forget about this for now & come in with me on running a house cleaning business."  Not only was I hurt about my vision being Whacked with a 2 by 4, but also because they thought their ideal was superior to mine.  Never mind that my strategy was to build a clientele first,  you know...get my name out there, before deciding on how much my clothing was worth.  It was things like this and more that made me decide to end our relationship.  After, another selfish & mindless episode this summer  I wrote the person a really harsh letter about how I felt.  In so many words I basically told them "you go your way & I'll go mine."

This morning as I entered the chapel for morning prayer before beginning my Women's Bible Study session, guess who I see?  Yep, you guessed it...X-factor :(  I said to myself "Okay, clam down, they decided to join Women's Bible what!  It's a free world...just pray &  go to class.  After all they are not in your class group right.?  WRONG...WRONG!!!  X-factor is in my class group as well.  Sigh...God are you testing me or is the Devil knocking at my door?  Either which way I don't like it, not one little bit.  

I did manage to get through this challenging ordeal, but bible study is every Thursday until April.  Can I grin & bear it?  Will I be able to enjoy the class without shooting daggers with my eyes?  Maybe they will request to be switched to a different class, because I'm definitely NOT!  They say God gives you tests to make you stronger.  I should be able to climb Mt. Everest after this one.  Pray for me...

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